Time

Do you remember way back when, when I was a new fish at this Des Moines Catholic Worker, and I expressed my positive fear of being alone?

Well, the tables have turned quite a bit, and now I desire, I long for, that alone time. I've found myself busy from dawn until dusk, and it's not that I'm busy doing a lot of things, I'm just spending time with a lot of people--my community members, my friends outside of the house, and my boyfriend.

Living in community is wonderful, except for the sheer fact that it is impossible to have your own time. There's always someone home, which 90% of the time is a blessing, but the other 10% of the time is a curse. I've found myself almost lying to people to get my own time. I feel like I have to be rude, and I also feel sort of bad, because during those times when I'm alone, nurturing my own soul, I could be serving God's people, using the head, hands, and feet that the Lord has given me.

Dorothy Day even wrote about this in "Loaves and Fishes": "But daily, hourly, to give up our own possessions and especially to subordinate our own impulses and wishes to others--these are hard, hard things; and I don't think they ever get any easier. You can strip yourself, you can be stripped, but still you will reach out like an octopus to seek your own comfort, your untroubled time, your ease, your refreshment. It may mean books or music--the gratification of the inner sense--or it may mean food and drink, coffee and cigarettes. The one kind of giving up is no easier than the other." (p. 84)

So my question is--is it wrong to desire your own time? Jesus got time alone to pray, and taking a Sabbath is even one of the commandments. But I suppose if I'm just desiring my own time because it's less stressful, maybe that's not the best.

I did, however, have a wonderful day today. I slept in, then spent just an hour reading and writing at my boyfriend's house, while he was at work. It was great because I was alone and wouldn't be bothered. Then I was happy to come home and spend the rest of the day with my housemates, as well as attempting to be productive and writing a few back-logged blogs that I've needed to do!

Living in community is great, but it's hard at the same time. See my upcoming blog about it...