A Few Days Late.

This is something I was thinking about a few days ago, but then I never got around to writing it, so here goes.

Sometimes I really hate myself. Why are we, as American citizens, so much more dedicated to something that we get paid for? Instead of being dedicated to something much more worthy?

Exhibit A: I find myself, while working at the house, going upstairs sometimes to escape from what's going on downstairs for a minute. You know, just taking a little longer in the bathroom than I would need to. If this were a job that paid, though, would I do that? Maybe. But I'd probably feel worse about it. I'd probably rush a little more to get back to the counter, or wherever I was working.

Why is that? Am I afraid of getting fired at that other job? Why is it that money is what motivates me, not valuable purpose?

Now, let me just say that I don't always do this, and it's not like I think this is a totally worthless thing to be doing. I just notice myself dedicating less energy to this than I'd like to. And why? I'm getting way more out of this Worker experience than I get out of substitute teaching--that's just a nice paycheck. This is people skills, organizational skills, writing, administration, and life skills.

Why does money control us so much?

And I really do hate that I have to work outside of here, also. I wish I could just spend all my time here and dedicate myself to this place, but student loans come calling. And car insurance. And health insurance. And a cell phone bill. Dang.

But sometimes, I wonder about the whole several-part-time-jobs-thing. I love working at a lot of places, but sometimes I question if, deep down, I'm not doing it so, if the shit really hits the fan, I can cop out by saying "this isn't my full-time gig. I'm dedicated other places." It's like taking a Vice Presidential role in my own life. You get credit for it, but really you don't have to do a lot unless the President doesn't show up. I get the glory and fun out of working at several locations, but I don't have to truly invest myself and be held entirely responsible. Why didn't I know where we store the paper towels at work? Well, I only work here part-time (even though I've been part-time for over a year). Poor excuse.

Other than this, though, it's been a good time here at the DM Worker. I'm loving it, and still just trying to figure out my life around here. I don't know that I'll ever figure it out.

Sorry this was such a poorly-worded blog. I'm on hold with Microsoft to ask them a question about my computer, and I'm slightly distracted. Stupid technology... I might just have to go off the grid. Even though I really (and I mean really) covet a MacBook right now...